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Assumptions

During my stay at an expensive hotel in New York City, I woke up in the middle of the night with an upset stomach.

I called room service and ordered some soda crackers. When I looked at the charge slip, I was furious. I called room service and raged, "I know I'm in a luxury hotel, but $11.50 for six crackers is ridiculous!"

"The crackers are complimentary," the voice at the other end coolly explained. "I believe you are complaining about your room number."

Weight Comeback

William Howard Taft weighed 335 lbs. (152kg) which was a lot even for his six-foot frame. 

One day someone pointed to Taft's massive stomach and asked, "What are you going to name the baby?"

The president replied: "If it's a boy, he will be a junior.  If it's a girl I'll name her Helen.  But if, as I expect, it is only gas, I'll name it after you."

Relevancy

The pastor told the search committee, "If I am voted in as pastor of this church, I will work hard to bring us into the 20th century."

Someone spoke up, "Uh, Preacher, don't you mean the 21st century?"

The pastor replied, "Let's take it one century at a time.”