"Carpenter Request"

While carpenters were working outside the old house I had just bought, I busied myself with indoor cleaning. I had just finished washing the floor when one of the workmen asked to use the bathroom.

With dismay I looked from his muddy boots to my newly scrubbed floors. "Just a minute," I said, thinking of a quick solution. "I'll put down newspapers."

"That's all right, lady," he responded. "I'm already trained."

Wrong door

My partner and I were in our police car when we were dispatched to break up a domestic dispute. We spoke with the couple, and the problem was quickly resolved.

On leaving, I was admiring the craftsmanship of their turn- of-the-century home and reached for what I thought was the front door.

Realizing my mistake, I was turning away in embarrassment when my partner tried to cover for me by saying...

"If you have any more problems, we'll be in your closet."

Heaven or Hell

Lenora, 95-years-old and in excellent health, confided that she was terribly worried: "Every one of my friends has already died and gone on to heaven. I'm afraid they're all wondering where *I* went!"