Fight Like a Man

Three men were sitting in a bar lying about how under their thumb they had their wives.

The first two kept bragging about how they could get their wives to do anything.
They looked at the third man and he said, "I have my wife so under my thumb that the other day I had her crawling towards me on her hands and knees."

Both of the other men were very impressed and asked him how he had managed that.

The man replied,"Well, I was laying under the bed and she crawled over and said,

'Come out and fight like a man!

Preacher

After listening restlessly to a long and tedious sermon, a young boy asked his mother what the preacher did the rest of the week.

"Oh he's a very busy man," the mother replied. "He takes care of church business, visits the sick, ministers to the poor.... and then he has to have time to rest up.

Talking in public isn't an easy job, you know."

The boy thought about that, then said, "Well, listening ain't too easy, either."

Suffering Vanity

Before Linda became engaged, she was quite the beauty, and didn't mind letting her boyfriend know it, too.

"A lot of men are gonna be totally miserable when I marry," she told him.

"Really?" asked the boyfriend,

"And just how many men are you intending to marry?"

Flashlight Defense

A tourist was being led through the swamps of Florida.

"Is it true," he asked, "that an alligator won't attack you if you carry a flashlight?"

"That depends," replied the guide,

"on how fast you carry the flashlight."