Altar Call

We know people who have been "converted" many times.  Every time there is a church revival they go to the altar and get "saved."  One minister told of a man in his congregation who had been "saved" seventeen times.  During a revival meeting the evangelist made an altar call for all who wanted to be filled with the Spirit.  The man who had been converted so often made his way toward the altar again.  A woman from the congregation shouted, "Don't fill him, Lord.  He leaks!"...

Windshield Wiper Quit

Which windshield wiper blade always quits first? That's right -- the driver's side. This happened to me one day while driving home in the middle of a blinding storm.

Unable to see, I pulled over and tried to figure out a quick fix. I found it in a yellow cotton work glove lying on the floor. I wedged the cloth hand under the wiper arm. It did a great job keeping my windshield clear.

Not only that -- you'd be surprised at how many people waved back.

GPS backup

Scene: A conversation between two of my friends.

Friend #1: Are you visiting us tomorrow? Do you need directions?

Friend #2: I'm all set. I have the address, a GPS, and a GPS override.

Friend #1: What's a GPS override?

Friend #2: My wife.

Not to be eaten

Little Johnny returned from grocery shopping with his mother.

While she was putting away the groceries, he was busy spread- ing his animal crackers all over the kitchen table.

"Why are you doing that?" his mom asked.

"Well," said Little Johnny, "the box says you shouldn't eat them if the seal is broken. I'm looking for the seal!"

The Lords Prayer

Two little girls were overheard reciting the Lord's prayer in church:

"...And forgive us our trash passes as we forgive those who pass trash against us."

Birthday presents

It was the kindergarten teacher's birthday and the students decided that they would each buy their teacher a gift.

The first student, whose parents own a florist shop, gave her a present. She held it and said, "I guess that it is flowers."

"How did you guess?" asked the little boy. She laughed and thanked him.

The second student, whose parents own a candy store, gave her a present. She held it and said, "I guess that is some candy."

"How did you guess?" asked the little boy. She again laughed and thanked him also.

The third student, whose parents own a bottle shop, gave her a box which was leaking. The teacher touched the liquid with her finger and tasted it. "Mmmmm is it wine?" she asked.

"No," said the little girl. So she tasted it again. "Is it champagne?" she asked.

"Noooooooo," replied the little girl, "It's a puppy!"