It Wasn’t Worth Hearing

The young preacher was called to a rural church and appeared for his first sermon that Sunday. To his dismay he found that one of the parishioners had brought his dog to the service. He asked the dog’s owner to kindly remove the animal. The man obligingly took the dog out and returned to his seat.

After the service, the church deacons rebuked the new preacher for insulting one of their staunchest members. The dog made no trouble, they pointed out, and had been accompanying its master to church for years. The preacher called on the dog’s owner and apologized.

“Don’t worry about it, Reverend,” the man replied. “It all worked out. I wouldn’t have had my dog hear that sermon for anything in the world.”

God’s Problem Now (A repost but worth the smile again)

His wife's graveside service was just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance.  The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said,

“Well, she's there.”

Consequences

Several years ago while working at the county jail (where I still work) I was locking down the inmates for the night and one man didn't want to get off the phone. After several attempts to get him to hang up the phone failed I switched it off.

About two nights later I was working the same wing and the same inmate called me over and said that if we were on the street that wouldn't happen.

I said, “Ya, I would have no reason to tell you to get off the phone and if I wanted to use a phone I would go and find one.”

He had nothing more to say.

Little Johnny's mother put carrots on his plate in spite of his dislike for them saying, "They're good for your eyes and will help you see in the dark!"

Little Johnny replied, "You eat them Mommy, I'll use a flashlight!"

My grandson Justin returned from his first time in church and was asked how it went. He said, "The music was nice, but the commercial was too long."

The chef at a family-run restaurant had broken her leg and came into our insurance office to file a disability claim. As I scanned the claim form, I did a double take. Under "Reason unable to work," she wrote: "Can't stand to cook."

A man went to buy a parrot. The pet shop owner pointed out three identical parrots and said, "The parrot to the left costs 500 dollars."

"Why does that parrot cost so much?" the man wondered.

The owner replied, "Well, it knows how to use a computer."

The man asked about the next parrot.

"That one costs 1,000 dollars because it can do everything the other parrot can do, plus it knows how to use the LINUX operating system."

Naturally, the startled customer asked about the third parrot.

"That one costs 2,000 dollars."

"And what does that one do?" the man asked.

The owner replied, "To be honest, I've never seen him do a thing, but the other two call him Boss."